Blader Digest: Mr. Rogers Hates You

It’s good to be back. Thanks again to my buddy, Bruce Bales, for covering for me last week. I appreciated the break.

Anyway, let’s start off with something I fully agree with:

Good. Enough with that, let’s get preachy.

Now here’s something we hope you really like…

Selling Skating

Our society is now one where you broadcast every single one of your internal wants and desires or every meal you’ve ever eaten—Facebook updates, Twitter blasts, blogs, YouTube comments, videos you can upload about your feedback on a Blu-Ray you watched, and shitty websites where columnists bitch about everything they claim to love (a.k.a. the one you’re on).

So this week’s batch of sharing-too-much comes from Nick Uhas and Brazillionaire. According to the description for “Going for Pro,” it is ” a new series staring Nick Uhas (premiers Thursday Dec 2nd).”

I don’t know where it’s premiering and where it’s going, but I’m a little concerned.

If there’s one thing for certain, it’s that Uhas is obviously dedicated about his new venture. He’s even created his own Twitter hashtag for it:

Actually, after watching the Going for Pro trailer, I am a bit uncomfortable, but I don’t think it has anything to do with progression.

Actually, I’m about as uncomfortable as I am looking at this photo:

It’s just that…

Oh, God, where to start?

Uhas is a good skater, no doubt about that. But the way he talks about skating, I’m unsure at the audience he’s directing it towards—other bladers? Moms? Mainstream audiences? Dads? Nine-year-olds?

And why does it have a Tony Robbins self-help, confidence-boosting feel to it? Or at least an infomercial for a home cleaning product? Why does it feel every line is generic enough that if you stripped the word rollerblading out of it, you could apply it to anything from becoming a pro wrestler to getting your taxes done on time? Why did I feel at the end that I was waiting for him to tell me to buy something?

And what the hell is with the Uhas logo at the bottom of the screen?

Compare “Going for Pro” to other recent Uhas-starring projects like “College Musical: The Movie” and the “Do You Skate?” music video (which also included two ‘making of’ edits).

Do your thing guys, but c’mon!

Anyway, if Uhas has the ambition to be pro, good for him. If you have the same desire, good for you. That being said, you don’t necessarily have to make some Disney Channel-esque reverse documentary where every step of the way is documented before it happens.

Normally—or at least how it used to be—is that you accomplished something and then you explain how you got there, not vice versa.

What happens if Uhas never becomes pro? Does he give up the series or does he keep making them, even if it goes into his 40s?

But who knows, maybe Razors has already signed him on. Maybe this is all some promotional thing to get everyone juiced for some new pro skate.

There will be more “episodes” coming, so let’s see where they go.

Time is great determiner in all things. So shall it be with this.

But let’s talk about something that I believe better reflects the reality of skating and those in it…

Jack is Nimble

If you haven’t seen Jack Be Nimble—the documentary of skaters cruising the country to make it to as many Roll Series stops as possible in a crappy Winnebago—already, then you really, really have no excuses now.

One of the best documentaries to explain the passion of blading (which may seem like a nearly unhealthy obsession to those outside skating) is now available to all—in about a hundred different places.

Even if you don’t want to go through all the trouble of hitting buttons on your remote control or are too cheap to spend $5 for the On Demand rental, you can go to your favorite place (or used to be now that they’re charging for some of their content) to stream episodes of Family Guy—Hulu.

Getting such a great piece of work that adequately shows how passionate rollerbladers are up on so many mainstream places is beyond awesome.

I mean it’s not like there’s a whole lot of rollerblading content in mainstream places. Let’s look at iTunes for a second. Two results are interesting:

This one is on there, too, but here it is on YouTube:

So yeah, Jack Be Nimble is way better. Nice work, Andrew Kazlauskas and John M. Adams .

But hey, as long as we’re talking about about rollerblading and music, let’s talk about something else after a short break about random crap around the internet and a bit of a rant about trends in blading.

Tidbits & Junk

That’s a good perspective there, A.J.

This is entertaining…

A rant

Here’s something we could use a little less of: edits with people putting on their skates.

Yes, we understand how riveting you might think it is to put on your skates, film it, and then play it at 10x the speed, but it’s overkill.

We know how skates work, whether they’re Nimhs, Xsjados, Remz, Razors,  USDs or Valos.

Foot goes in. A buckle, straps, laces, etc. You don’t have to show us how we put on your skates.We understand you weren’t born with them on. We get that you wear shoes before skates.

The only person who is allowed to keep showing us how to swap footwear is Mr. Rogers. And he’s dead now.

"I will slap you across the face with this, you dirty gutter slut." — Fred Rogers (actual quote)

So knock it the fuck off.

I understand making a 37-second edit doesn’t seem reasonable and you want to make it longer, but try adding more tricks and less slow-motion or fast-motion of you doing shit we all do: eating, drinking water, breathing heavy, looking up at the fucking sky, and putting on your skates.

Also, if I have to skip through two-minutes of scenery and shit because you’re trying to create ambiance before you show even the first damn trick, maybe you should get into documentary work.

I mean, yes, to each their own, but if you’re wondering why no one is viewing your shit or commenting positively, it’s because you’re wasting their lives with your “artistic vision” of the world around you. I

In all actuality, you come across looking like that self-obsessed emo kid from American Beauty who spends all of his time pointing his video cameras at garbage in the wind.

Yeah, you might win an Oscar, but that doesn’t mean you’re not full of shit.

So let’s get to that music shit, huh?

Leftovers Vs. Main Feature

It’s happened before. You’ve heard the same song from some old video reused in an edit. Or there will be people using the same music nearly at the same time. Accidents happen. Shit happens. It’s all good.

But, what if you use a song that you know is going to be used in a major project? And what if the thing you’re using it for is a leftover edit?

Jeff Dalnas did that recently and has been active in the fine art of self-defense.

The song is called “Coastin'” by Zion I. Check out the official video on YouTube.

Anyway, here’s Valo’s use of it in the trailer for 4Life that came out this week. The full video  premiered in San Francisco on Oct. 29 and goes on sale very soon.

Valo4Life Trailer from Themgoods on Vimeo.

Here’s Dalnas’ use of the song in a leftovers edit he released on Thursday.

Jeff Dalnas 2010 leftovers edit from jeff dalnas on Vimeo.

Here’s some deciding factors to see what happened:

  • Valo obtained the rights to use the song from Zion I. Unsure if Dalnas did.
  • Zion I is out of Oakland—home to Victor Arias, Brandon Smith, other bladers in the video and also where many clips from the video are shot.
  • Jeff is from Cranston, RI.
  • Jeff hasn’t seen the Valo video, but knew the song was in it before releasing his edit.

All things aside, it is an edit from Jeff Dalnas, so you know it’s going to be awesome to watch. And I agree with a lot of other people out there—it’s disgusting that these are the types of tricks that would normally get tossed aside.

But, hey, you know, shit happens. Use whatever song you want and people will make their decisions about your decisions. It’s just one song. Life will go on.

This is yet another thing where time will make its decision. That being said, I’m sure more people are going to remember the Valo video than they are with just another edit on the internet.

But that’s just me.

Other shit you Really want to buy:

Besides the Valo video, it seems this holiday season (and a few months after) is a great one to fill your wish list full of blade DVDs (or Blu-Rays).

Just to be nice, I’ll make your list for you. Just forward this to your mom:

  • Valo 4Life — no reason not to buy it.
  • Vibralux’s Charging — possibly one of the best blade road-trip themed videos ever. I haven’t seen it, but I’m safe with saying that. The talent associated with it reaches retarded levels.
  • (EDIT: Game Theory: unsure of when its coming out, but after some post-production work and new filming, I’ve heard the bitch is going to be good.)
  • SHOCK Video: Tommy Boy is promising this video will not fail to “shock” your senses. I believe him. Look out for it soon.
  • Nimh Team Video — look at the fucking trailer. Look at the team. Holy fucking bat shit, Batman! I’m fairly sure the wait from the ill-fated premiere at last BCSD will be worth it. It’s going to be a strong addition to other team videos.
  • Now you kids have fun going out there and stimulating the blade economy!

Blade or Die,

— Brian Krans


  • Anonymous wrote:

    Also, if I have to skip through two-minutes of scenery and shit because you’re trying to create ambiance before you show even the first damn trick, maybe you should get into documentary work.

    um, 4LIFE resembles a documentary more than a traditional skate video, so perhaps it’s time to reassess your opinion of documentaries? But I agree, having to wade through non-skating related material can be a major turn-off.

    good read, but I’m buying Game Theory too, no matter what you say.

  • To add to your Christmas wish list :

    – Vine Street (Dom West, Asutralia)
    – Mute (Greg Mirzoyan, France)
    – Traitement (Jonas Hansson)

  • To add to your Christmas wish list :

    – Vine Street (Dom West, Australia)
    – Mute (Greg Mirzoyan, France)
    – Traitement (Jonas Hansson, Denmark)

  • Here is the thing about the songs tho. When Stormy was finishing up his online section, and we were discussing songs, we were dangerously close to using the coasting song, (without rights mind you cuz we broke).

    Would Ivan be out of pocket if he used it then?

  • gene steagall wrote:

    jeff dalnas a chumpo

  • OOOOH will used that song already too, i hella forgots about that

  • Zac Hutchings wrote:

    So I am definitely getting game theory and 4Life :D

    And about Uhas i totally agree with what your saying,
    I have talked to him and sent emails back and forth and talked to him about the Going For Pro book he is writing and what he was telling me about the book sounded really great and that is also what i had in mind about the Going For Pro series but it seems to not be going that way. But maybe it will. He might get into some of the stuff he is writing his book on.
    And im loving AJ’s photo

  • Don’t forget Fade Nation Green…

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