blade or die

Without a doubt, this is the one thing everyone was talking about this week:

Brazillionaire’s latest edit for Razors was titled “Thank You Haters” or “Living the California Dream,” depending on where you see it.

Now some of my friends had a theory it was intended for people hating on rollerblading, but I’m pretty fucking sure it was to all the people who have been hating on Razors lately. You could put me in that category, but I wouldn’t agree — that’s business. That’s something completely different.

So yeah, there has been a lot of talk about Razors lately: Don Bambrick‘s ousting, Game Theory, people’s preference to Brazillionaire’s editing style,  why there’s so much video out there of a sweaty Brian Aragon without a shirt on, etc.

So there was the edit. Like all shit gangsta, there were some white bitches from the suburbs, meaningful lyrics flashed on the screen, ballin’ ass whips, Twitter references, and a shitload of good blading from one of the sports best teams.

And, like all things, people barely hesitated a second to talk loads of shit on it and praise it at the same time. Last I checked, there were 232 comments on Rollernews. Here are some highlights (or low lights, depending on what side you’re on):

Sorry, but I must interject here: rollerblading worried for too long about what everyone else outside our industry thought and that’s what got us here. We tried doing everything the way everyone else wanted and were dumped for something everything else.

It’s beginning to happen with skateboarding. Pay attention to the signs. It’s coming (for the love of Dog, the SF Giants recently gave out skateboard decks as a souvenir). Once everyone thinks something is cool because that’s how people manufacture it, that’s when the larger society start ditching it. Remove the individuality from something and it’s nothing more than mass-produced bullshit.

Or we could appoint a council. Yeah, that’s what we need: a council. A group of people, or maybe even just one, to tell us what market research, popular culture, teenagers — the same things that make Lady Gaga so famous — and all needed factors determine what is cool and what isn’t.

Then we’ll know what to wear, what to say, what music to listen to, what to read, what to think, how to act, how to live, who to respect, who to love, who to hate, who to…  You get the idea. Never, ever again will you have to decide for yourself what you want to do. We’ll all agree. And if you’re thinking that’s a bad idea just remember there is the greater good to consider.

Many influential people have done that and have drastically altered history.

You know what?

Let’s not do that. That’s fascism and that sucks.

(Side note inside the present side note: When doing a Google image search for “fascism,” this came up:

Go back and look at the stars again. I’ll wait.

Take your time. I’m going to watch the Revolution “Who We Are” edit.

…

So, notice something funny in there?

Yeah, I thought I spotted the TheM Goods logo too, but I’m guessing while Jon Julio and Brandon Smith have some major pull in blading, I doubt their pull on the populous would be anywhere close to being grouped in with Microsoft, Apple and others. It’s actually the logo for Travelers’ Insurance, while very, very similar.)

Besides, rollerblading is as much an industry as auto manufacturing in America is still an industry. It’s sad, it’s true, but bitching anonymously on the internet will not help it more than buying a Toyota will save Detroit.

Okay, back to those pesky comments.

I’d love to have found more love, but there wasn’t really much.

I’m going to reserve my opinion on the edit because for Christ’s sake there have been enough of them already. I’ll bitch, moan, and harp when someone is acting like an idiot or asshole, but the hell if I’m going to rip on someone’s style, whether it their skating or edit style. Style is subjective, therefor my opinion on it doesn’t fucking matter.

However, I will say this: it looks like everyone involved had a hell of a fun time filming for it and I’m certain that’s the point of skating.

Note to self: get a Razor’s house.

JOHNNY & DAWN vs. THE WORLD

So there’s this comp coming up…

(^ ^ ^ Hey, look at that shameless self-promotion.)

Well, the big deal — besides the fact that BladeorDie’s own Jose Fuentes is running that bitch helping organize the comp, despite some personal NYC-style luck lately — is who is throwing down the cash for the prizes.

See, there’s this place called California. San Francisco, to be specific. And, in said state it is legal to buy and ingest marijuana if you have a doctor’s note. And then you can buy your drugs medicine at places called “dispensaries.”

Say it with me: Dis-pen-sa-ries.

Very good.

One of these places in aforementioned city is called Bernal Heights  Dispensary (Collective).

So, not only is there a place where you can shop for marijuana legally to ease your aching muscles and joints (Pun, bitches!), but there is also a place that loves the fuck out of blading for many, many reasons.The man behind this is named Johnny.

And, is very common, behind every man doing good is a good woman. Skating legend Dawn Everett just so happens to be paired with Sir Johnny. Basically, he loves skating because Dawn loves skating. It’s cute, nice, and everyone wins.

When there was a Tuesday night sesh, they donated money to the top skaters of the night, just for shredding. And there’s more rollerbladers per capita working there than there are bladers selling marijuana without the medicine.

Again, weed and blader supporting.

No, you’re not high. It’s real.

Now, they’ve put up the cash for the latest Kind Grind Classic. Why is this relevant to anything other than Johnny and Dawn just being bad asses?

For that, I’ll turn it over to some JSF — Peter D and ESG:

Oh snap! Oh shit! Snap! Shit! Snit-snap-pappilly-crap!

There is a point in there, but if I have to make another Detroit-rollerblading reference five months before Bitter Cold I’ll snap and punch myself in the dick till either my cock or my hand falls off, whichever comes last.

Rollerblading is supported by skaters. And one cool-ass dude with dreadlocks named Johnny (through a female skating legend, of course). If all this makes you want to high-five them, come to NorCal for the comp and do it in person.

Hella.

But, hey, since this column is about rollerblading, let’s talk about the actual skating part of it.

Here’s a whole bunch of shit you should have been paying attention to:

FAKIE FIVING IN NYC

Alex Nunez has been at the heart of New York’s skating scene forever. So when there’s a sesh at the Maloof Skate Plaza in Queens and Alex is there, there’s going to be some shit. Case in point, here’s something from a sesh there on Thursday:

Oh, whatever could he be winding up for? What kind of awesomeness is about to happen? I mean, yeah, the title of this does contain the words “Fakie Fiving” but fakie 540 to what!?! Oh the suspense!

Well, since apparently too stupid to get Vimeo encoding right on the deadly Vimeo/Word Press/Apple combo, you’ll have to go check it out this particular I Roll NY Clip of the Week #39 on Vimeo.

Go ahead, check it out. I’ll wait.

…

Fucking-A, right?

While the trick was awesome, it came in honor of the saddening recent death of NYC blader Brandon Gutierrez.

It’s been a tough week for the NYC skating scene. Not only did they go through the loss of a skater, but it was also the birthday of Brian “Cozmik” Scott, so there were two memorial sessions in one week. Oh yeah, and the anniversary of the Sept. 11th attack on the World Trade Center just so happened to be Saturday.

That, and in the same year the infamous Brooklyn Banks gets a fence put around it. Bastards.

I know New Yorkers are tough motherfuckers and all, but shit man, that’s a lot for one skate scene — albeit the world’s largest — to handle. Got nothing but love for all of ya.

FLIPPY SHIT

This fucking guy…

Allan Beaulieu wins the award this week for shit I didn’t see coming.

Parkour elements in blading are always appreciated.

However, someone needs to get him some sensitive skin laundry detergent because the one he’s using is obviously making his skin itch.

Poor guy.

LIL’ TOM

Normally, I’m a little squeamish about little kid edits. Thanks to all-too-inexpensive technology, making an edit doesn’t take much, so everyone is fucking doing it. There are some really, really inexperienced skaters that should be spending more time working on their tricks than making sure their curb-tapping antics are captured and set to shitty rap music. That, and I’m doubly skeptical of one-spot edits with kids. I’m not going to hop in the comments section and spew hate on them, but most of the time I just don’t even click play.

That being said, Rolling Updates featured  an edit featuring Tom Coley-Sowry shredding a potentially killer rail (that shit on the left side is beyond sketch) in Wheelers Hill, Australia.

Kid fuh-king shreds. Fuck it, he wins the I-didn’t-expect-that award. Sorry, Allan.

No matter how old little Tommy gets, I’ll be watching his skating. I suggest you do yourself a favor and take a gander into another shining installment of rollerblading’s future.

Tom Coley-Sowry: One Minute One Spot from Be-Mag on Vimeo.

(Whoa. Vimeo worked. That calls for another horrible pun.)

Speaking of one-spot edits…

AMONGST SKIES OF DIAMONDS

Be-Mag’s got another gem (Pun No. 2, bitches!) on their Vimeo Channel: a great skate park edit with Richie Eisler and Dustin Werbeski.

All I want to do know is skate really, really fast.

You will too. Just watch by clicking here: One Minute One Spot with Richie Eisler and Dustin Werbeski from Be-Mag on Vimeo.

Fucking do it. I can wait… again.

….

It was pretty good, huh?

Blade or Die,

— Brian Krans

P.S. German automobiles.