Blader Digest: Work & Wait to Die

In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I had a dream today: spend a day off of work and skate the city. I lived that dream.

That’s why this thing is late. Deal with it.

Yo, NY-fucking-C!

Our homies over at iRollNY are putting together an edit contest exclusively for NYC skaters. We’re proud to help them get the word out, not only because NYC was the scene for 2010, but also because iRollNY is the shit.

Basically, it’s one of those rare moments (kind of like the rail contest in Hoax II) where skaters with talent, but not the bucks, can win some freshies. Check out their site — — and enter.

When the winners come out, we’ll be posting that shit up there, too.

Now to the POint…

You want to throw a burr or two into the anal canal of society, particularly people who strap wheeled boots onto their feet and jump around onto inanimate objects? I mean not just irritate, but really get in there deep and cause some lasting damage?

Well, you should probably enlist in the SHOCK Army.

That’s what the kids over at are all about.

For instance, let’s take a look at what they came up with the latest installment of SHOCK University:

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to quit my job and attempt to skate full-time. I, personally, skate before and after work everyday, even if it’s just blading through traffic on some days.

But I know where the SHOCK kids — none of who don’t either have jobs, go to school, or do all — are coming from: too many skaters say they are too busy to blade. You know, because of work and shit.

That, my friends, is just a fucking baby’s excuse.

But, is it possible that anyone would take their advice, quit their jobs, and start living the dream? Some commentors with serious psychopathy issues certainly believe so.

The last one from “Seriously” is fucking hilarious. There are some key phrases you need to pay attention to:

  • “self-respecting rollerblader”
  • “extreme sports hierarchy”
  • “upper echelon of extreme sports”
  • “positive social image”
  • “social outcast”

The guy must obviously be in marketing because he’s got bullshit phrases dripping from his fingertips that mean absolutely nothing.

One, FUCK HIERARCHY! That’s some cutesy bullshit people tell you so your bosses and people in control can step all over your face with their dog-shit stained shoes all while everyday you cry, “Someday I’ll be up there.” Climbing the corporate ladder is just climbing each step and jerking off the dude above you. Let me know if you need any moisturizer.

Besides, being at the bottom gives you the best view you’ll ever get from people: who’s the first to step on you. The best part of having nothing is that you know no one is being nice to you to get something. Claw your way to middle-management and see who is nice to you just because they have to.

Two, FUCK OTHER SPORTS! We’re the joke to them, but the funny part is that the rest best of us don’t care.

Three, I respect myself, but not because I have a job and yearn for others’ approval. I respect myself because I make my own choices based off my own opinions. And I am 100-percent positive I am not in the minority here. I know that’s a pervasive attitude in our sport, because if it weren’t, we’d all have given up and grabbed a skateboard long ago… just to fit in to what greater society told us was cool.

You want to be part of the hierarchy and have the kind of self-respect other people tell you to have, then go do it. Get your teeth as white as possible, fight germs, watch shitty sitcoms, pay attention to trends, have accenting decorations in your apartment, get into exclusive clubs, have perfect skin, and dance really well. Make tons of fucking money and be really cool. But, make sure all of those things and whatever advertising and marketing tell you are all you care about. Ignore what you really want because you might stand out, and that would be very, very bad.

In essence, do what others tell you.

It’s fucking nauseating at how much people need praise to feel validated.

Take this for example: a recent study shows that this feel-good generation of people being told their “special” would rather hear that shit than actually do things that are fun… like fucking.

Did you read that?

“The self-esteem movement of recent decades may have backfired by creating individuals who expect success and praise in a world that won’t necessarily cooperate long-term…”

Yeah, go get your career, work 18-hour days and wait for your boss to tell you you’re No. 1.

Better yet, please, dear God, revolt against that kind of emerging thought!

If you don’t have a wife, kids, or a mortgage, fuck it! Quit your job and blade as much as you can. When that doesn’t work out or gets old, get a job and start making money again.

Take a fucking risk. Have some fucking fun. Do something worth remembering other than slaving the fuck away everyday doing something for someone else.

Remember: the easiest things to make are excuses.

With that said, would the SHOCK kids — who take chances and have fun — leave the other side untouched? Nope.

You could always quit skating and work full-time.

The second surely falls into satire because you don’t need lessons in how to quit skating and work full-time. We all have friends that have done it and have almost done it ourselves.

Fuck, I did it for nearly six years. I sold the fuck out for a “career.” I used to be depressed and suicidal. Shit sucked. I realized there was nothing in my life that was mine. So I went back to the thing I enjoyed most as a kid — rollerblading. Broke my arm first time out. Sold my BMW. Torched my suits and ties. Haven’t regretted it since — it saved my life.

But I still have a job. I still skate. There are thousands of us out there.We know it’s all about balance. We make time while still handling our man-business.

Blading and making a living aren’t either/or things unless you make them that way.

But what SHOCK tells us on a regular basis is that people can’t fucking take a joke. People are too fucking sensitive. When the fuck did being offended become a bad thing? That’s when change happens. People get pissed off and do something about it. That’s real shit.

Tell people to quit their jobs and all of a sudden we’re worrying about where we fit into society.

“Pay your taxes stand in line help them plan for your demise…”

— Pennywise’s “Society”

The refreshing thing about SHOCK isn’t just the I-don’t-give-a-fuck image. The refreshing thing is that isn’t an image. They don’t give a fuck. What’s best is that they don’t give a fuck because not giving a fuck is cool, but they just don’t see the point in being part of the herd and keeping their mouths shut just for blading political expediency.

I can’t say enough how SHOCK is exactly what we need right now. And, yes, I’m using the dreaded collective “we” to mean all of rollerblading.

Don’t be afraid to have a little fun. I mean, c’mon, too many people take too many things way too seriously.

If this week has taught us anything, it’s that being funny and saying what you really feel won’t make you popular among your peers, but fuck if you’ll get a shitload of fans.

In essence, let’s all learn from Ricky Gervais and say, “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”

Fuck this shit, I’m out.

Blade Make Money, Blend In, achieve success, contribute to society, and wait around to or die,

— Brian Krans


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