Blader Digest: Mouth Breathing

I’d like to hand out the first-ever Official Blade Or Die Mouth Breather of the Month to a special (read: damaged) person who earned it repeatedly.

Apparently, there is a large, grand conspiracy between “Jesus on rollerblades” and spritual skater Sean Cullen. It was one I was aware of, as were many people, but it seems an edit of the return of Aaron Feinberg made by Cullen for his clothing company, INRI, was yanked off the web mere hours (or less) after it was there. Or not.Or there were copyright issues. Or not. Or something. Or not.

Well, someone noticed this and basically believes this tears on the very fabric of rollerblading (ba-da-bum!).

It’s like the search for this video has become the new VG Roots saga.

This goes out to a person who, on this site called himself Sk8orDIE (which I love that video game… still), in response to last week’s column:

There are about 13 different levels of craziness in that statement, like the “pre-meditated” and “spite” part. Really? Is this what you’re doing with your life? Really? If either of those were the cause, it’d only be preying on the simple-minded folks who do nothing but absorb rollerblading news and collect kitten porn? I didn’t want to get into a O’Reilly-Maddow-esque pissing match so our management (which doesn’t exist) handled it.

But I’d like to move on, but it seemed Capt. Craziness couldn’t. And since I’m all about sinking to whatever level needed to prove a point, whether it’s worth making or not, I shall follow.

And I hate to assume (but I do it anyway because I’m so good at it), but it seems the same mouth-breathing moron went on to state his claims on  Rollernews as Anonymous:

Which is kind of annoying he doesn’t go ahead and add some kind of name to it? Why treat on the name Anonymous? Anonymous is responsible for such fitting quotes as “A closed mouth gathers no feet” and “A closed mind is a good thing to lose.”

Oh, it would have just been yet another dickhead on the internet until he used the phrase “…we all have the fucking rights…”

While it would be nice to see again, I COULDN’T DISAGREE MORE.

Filmmakers have rights. Viewers do not. Simply put.

This is rollerblading. This is a sport that cannot escape this kind of public stigma:

Some choose to try to make a buck off of it. There’s nothing wrong with that.If that’s the reason someone gets into skating then fuck them, but only idiots and assholes would actually get into rollerblading for profit.

While I am more of a fan of free shit on the internet, if something is going to be done with passion and persistence with a shit-ton of sweat by everyone involved then it should be supported. And, yes, support means cracking open your wallet and buying something.

Think of all the new videos coming out, or even the ones you’ve seen a million times. Yeah, sure, it meant one less case of Natty Light to force down the throats of high school girls so you can date rape them, but think of all the joy the videos still bring you.

We are a cash-strapped sport and I personally see that as a bad thing.

There are maybe a handful of pros that don’t have side jobs. when plenty of other sports can support millionaires. Hell, the ams barely get much love and have to do all sorts of shit to make money. Take Michael Garlinghouse, for instance. He’s joined a band — not for the love, drugs, booze, bitches, fame, glory, but for the paycheck.

Ok, so that's not Garlinghouse at all, but fuck if it's not his twin.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “What ever happened to Mindgame, Video Groove, etc.?” then you’ve already answered your own questions.

This is rollerblading.

Somewhere we became a culture filled with little bitches who always sit with their hands out expecting something for free. Wait, never mind. That’s just America in general. Australia, you cats are cool.

But bladers do fucking rule. Why? We stick together. We do help (especially when free shit is involved, other people’s money they want to give away) and we get shit done in the process.

Case in point: Kevin Dowling. He’s always in this column because he’s always doing shit. Always. Skates everyday for a year. Does Footage Tape (which I’ve been missing) with Jaime, has a life on the side, and gee, oh, I don’t know…

Wins a worldwide competition getting blading a shit load of exposure!!!

And he just so happens to post shit like this on his Facebook wall:

If anyone deserves something for free — and I’m talking lots of drinks at a bar — it’s Kevin Dowling. He does shit instead of harping about what he “deserves.”

Expect something for free without doing anything for it and wait to see what happens. Shit will crumble and die.

Cullen and INRI own the Feinberg footage. They shot it. They edited. Their time. Their money. They can do whatever they wish with it.

(NOTE: This is in no way a statement of support for what happened or anything like it, but merely a statement of supporting filmmakers or any other creative types to do what they see fit with their material.)

If you can’t spend $20 to buy the video with a new Feinberg section in it, then you don’t fucking deserve to see it. Sorry, but we all know times are tough, but for all the free shit that’s out in rollerblading, tossing a buck or two into the industry won’t kill anyone (unless, of course, you’re donating every free cent you have to help cure Hodkin’s disease or something).

Basically, if there was some dastardly plot involving some cover-up or whatever asshat was rambling about just to get you to buy a video, then good for INRI. They’re using the same business model as the drug industry — first taste is free. It’s a damn good model: there’s been a war on drugs for about 30 years now and the drugs are still kicking ass.

So, in essence, people should quit acting like bitter, bitchy ex-girlfriends who feel they are owed something because you got a little dirty together.

This conversation… is over.

Instead of making stupid claims on the internet that are only fueled by too many energy drinks and too few attempts to control your chemical imbalances, try going out and skating. Get some friends together. Do something cool. Other people do it. It looks like a lot of fun.

A Town Stomp from Shawn Sullivan on Vimeo.

As always, thanks for reading. Sometimes it pays off.

Blade or die,
Brian Krans

P.S. — On a much happier note, stay tuned later this week for a first of many columns to come to from our favorite SoCal rollerblading chef, Michael Obedoza, as he offers up some kitchen wisdom about foods you should be eating to skate better.

It’s called Food for Feet.

Get it?


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