blade or die

Where have I been? Where have you been? You’ve been missing all of the fun, kids!

Maybe I was too busy getting drunk as fuck (and spending lots of time cleaning up after myself) watching the Super Bowl trophy go back to the city where the trophy’s namesake became famous.

I mean, c’mon, he’s the most quotable coach ever besides Mike Opalek.

Anyway, not that I give a fuck about football, or hand egg for you European folks, but since I’m now far enough removed from Packer fans, I could almost someday be one.

Either way, Wisconsin, bitches! Midwest, mother fuckers! Packers up-the-assers!

Wait, what?

Speaking of ass-packers, here in lovely San Francisco, some deals have been going down. The Charging and Strange Creatures crews, along with the usual Valo heads, have been straight getting down to business-making magic.

Okay, maybe not.

But fuck this ant-infested house and it’s trophy for the nastiest bathroom on the planet. Let’s see what’s been going on around other people’s houses…

But not for a bit. Let’s go back in history for a second.

Oh, and where we’re going, we don’t need roads.

Class of 2000

Here’s some simple math, if you graduated high school in 2000, you’re at least 28 years old. That is, of course, unless you’re some little Doogie Howser mother fucker. Either way, if you are, what the fuck are you reading this shit for? Huh?!?! Cure cancer, genius! I want to smoke more!

Anyway, ONE Magazine did a look back at the now-defunct Box Magazine’s class of 2000.

I, like many of the commenters on the site, would have liked to have known what’s going on with some of the names you don’t hear from so much anymore. Then again, most of us know that people like Sean Cullen, Charles Dunkle, Frankie Morales, Dre Powell, and many of the others mentioned are still shredding. Some aren’t.

Guess we need Coach Opalek to sort that shit out in his ONE magazine column.

Either way, it was great to see all those baby-faced shredders. It’s even better to know that some of them are still going.

But what’s that baby-faced little guy down there in the right-hand corner doing?

Oh, you know, blading stuff.

(Now that’s a transition, bitches!!!)

Swag

When Vinny Minton comes over to your house for the weekend and does all that human dolly shit, you better bring your A-game, a world-champ skater, another member of the Class of 2000, a hammer machine, and a little dude named Sneaky.

Razors did just exactly that. Now you have the Razor’s Swag edit.

Fuck yeah.

And that shit gets around like herpes in a downtown massage parlor.

You want more? Okay.

Freestyle Culture

Also recently unveiled was Freestyle Culture, an iTunes-esque download station for blading.

There’s lots of free shit on there from directors like Brazillionaire, Adam Johnson, and shitloads of others. Want to buy a section and not a whole video?

Boom! There ya go.

The best part is that you can pay and support at the same time. Who would have thought?

CE Doing that thing

You want more history than what ONE’s giving you? Too bad! You get the past in present form.

Last week, Chris Edwards—yes, that Chris Edwards—had an edit out. Stefan Brandow had the opportunity to work and skate with the legend (and Airborne actor) in Pittsburgh—a.k.a. the city whose team didn’t win a World Series or Super Bowl this year.

How did that make you feel? Well, you know.

The important question is: How did it make one blader’s mom feel?

It’s shit like this Rollernews!

I’d link to their page, but there’s no point in giving them another click to up their advertising rates for doing nothing than posting other people’s shit.

(And don’t give me any shit about that. Yeah, I take other people’s shit, too, but look around the site for an ad. You won’t find one. We may do nothing here, but at least we don’t profit.)

Anyway, here’s the post in question.

What the fuck is stunt padding?

What the fuck does it have to do with rollerbladers other than a small sliver of us ever wear a single fucking pad?

Should we all get these and try out for the next G.I. Joe movie?

Are you encouraging use to start hitting ourselves in the heads with hammers?

Too late, we go to Rollernews.

Speaking of hammers…

Hey, We’re going to Detroit!

Oh, and don’t forget that the Bitter Cold Showdown is nearly upon us. I’m sure you’ve been thinking about it a lot. So have I.

Especially when Eminem was all like “Detroit makes cars, bitches!” (And he also said he said in an earlier commercial that he doesn’t do commercials.)

If BCSD or that’s not enough to get you to hop a plane to the Motor City, then fuck it.

Detroit’s harder than most places on the planet.

Then again, they don’t respect their roots.

Until whenever, Wisconsin Westside, bitches!

— Blade or Die,

Brian Krans

Oh yeah, you should also pay attention to this: