Blader Digest: Lost in the Desert

Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Now that the BCSD hangover and detox phase is finally over, it’s time to get back to business.

And by business, I mean drooling nonsensical bullshit…

The Island Country

Skating has always been kind of a big deal in Asia. They view it a bit differently than in the States, even back in the day…

Now that our homies in Japan have been rocked hardcore by the largest earthquake to ever strike there, you have to be mindful of what’s going on.

Shit got all sorts of fucked up over there, Katrina-style. It was so big, it was the kind of thing that would have wiped out even a few thousand dinosaurs.

Do what you can for Japan. Donate whatever is needed.

Maybe Donate & Skate can put something together for the bladers out there. Sure, rollerblades sound pretty fucking stupid when there’s all that destruction, but giving someone a chance to put on a pair of skates again is one step closer to normalcy. After that kind of event, anything resembling normal is godsend.

Our buddy Soichiro Kanashima has been in the States since BCSD. He says his family and friends in Okinawa are safe.That’s a good thing considering the earthquake and tsunami that hit the country was powerful enough to CHANGE THE FUCKING AXIS OF THE EARTH!!!

With that kind of good news occupying his heart, The Magician went right back to work on a project that’s no longer any kind of secret.

That’s right kiddies, if you enjoyed Valo 4Life, you should be totes stoked knowing the Valo team is done with their “vacation” of sorts and is back in front of the lens filming for the latest in the Valo team videos.

Which is a good thing considering 4Life is still kicking ass in both DVD, BluRay, and iTunes sales.

So before Soichiro goes home to his forever-changed island home, he’s putting in some mad work on the streets of California filming for #V, release date unknown.

That means it’s time to brush off the hi-def cameras, throw on your Valos, and start stacking clips to submit if, and when, it becomes that time.

Broscoe Broscow Broskow

It seems spelling Alex Broskow has always been a serious problem. Even since baby-faced Alex was taking diggers in ditches, people just couldn’t fathom a correct spelling.

Then again, they called him an “extreme skateboarder,” so let’s not get our panties too bundled up over some letters. Then again, it seems to be a pattern.  I mean, c’mon kids, he’s one of the biggest names in the sport, and has been for about a decade, so let’s try a little harder next time.

‘Cause we all know Broskow is going hard…

Rollernews, and their fancy custom graphics, seem to get it right.

Blade Blog

What is this thing? What is this beautiful mess of a mash-up before me?

I will confess before this week I knew nothing of Blade Blog. Like all mistakes we make it life, it can be rectified with education, reflection, and moving on.

So, yeah, here’s a good batch of irrelevant old skate footage slapped together like some kind of wet dream by Sean Cullen and Jordan Dale

Oh, the sweet confusion and desperation in my brain.

It’s as if I’m lost in a world where my thoughts bounce inside my head, like I’m incapable of talking to anyone but myself.

I am but a lost man know, off somewhere in a desert of oblivion and confusion.

I have visions of Damien Wilson, a veritable Jesus of sorts.

He has spoken to me. He said he too has been lost, but now he has been found.

He shall lead us all back into the limelight…

He shall guide us through this journey back to civilization like his family has done for others…

Celebrity Endorsements

Now that is appears that no celebrity’s career — whether they’ve actually done anything of note or not — is really over thanks to dozens of retarded celebrity spin off shows, there’s this.

You want to see celebrities dance? Okay.

You want to see them in rehab? Okay.

You want to see them figure skate? Oh shit, we’ve got that too!

Oh, yes, there is a celebrity figure skating show? Is it like the Celebrity Death Match between Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan?

Yeah, you wish.

Nope, it’s like Dancing with the Stars, but you know, on ice with knives on their feet. But how is this relevant to anything blading related you say?

Well, if MC Hammer can skateboard…

Then Vanilla Ice can skate…like figure skate…

And since Vanilla Ice will be on ice with knives on his feet, he might as well put some on his chest…

Yup, that’s Ice in a Gost shirt. Allegedly.

Owner Arlo Eisenberg wasn’t so sure the photos e-mailed to him were genuine. As he said on the Gost blog, “Whatever the case, I am not sure if Vanilla Ice wearing GOST Brand on ‘Dancing Skating with the Stars’ in the UK means that we have finally arrived or if it means something closer to the opposite of that.”

Either way, it’s better than the gay cowboy shirt he’s wearing for the promo shots.

Then again, sparkles and sequins seem to be his thing anyway…

Ice, baby. Ice.

Canadian Micro-Commentary

“It took rollerblading for me to realize I was doing nothing.”

“…but then it got too commercial.”

No, we’re not talking about people jumping off the pro skate wagon out of philosophical purity. That, my friends, is the former Canadian sketch comedy show, Kids in the Hall.

“…then it came back, echoing, ‘I’m rollerblading, I’m rollerblading, I’m roller-blading’…”

Oh, Kids in the Hall, you know what’s going on. You know what speaks in our hearts. You know our trials, hardships, and diversity. You know we strive for something different other than what’s given to us…

You know we’ve faced so much, some of which has been brought on by unscrupulous members of our ilk.

No, Kids in the Hall, you remind us to never let that stop. You teach us fortitude in the eye of adversity. You remind us that courage and strength may be lost currency, but it still has value.

Thank you. Thank you so much for the honor bestowed upon us once again.

We won’t stop talking about rollerblading because we know that others are jealous and feel like they are missing out.

Or some shit like that.

Remember kids: “Each day you rollerblade is your Valentine’s Day-yaaaay!”

Blade or Die,

— Brian Krans

P.S. — Here’s a rollerblading parrot.

Special thanks to the Reddit community for supplying all the good shit.


  • Rob Mauk (Rawb Rambles) wrote:

    Love the “Kids in the Hall” bits. Props.

  • Soichiro is from Okayama, not Okinawa.

    But good post. Loved that Kids in the Hall sketch. Doesn’t it just resonate the spirit of rollerblading?

  • Not only is Tsunami Japanese but its on Ichi’s wheel…and he wasnt on the island when it came…..hmmmm coincidence?

    ICHI is Jacob from LOST….see!

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