Blader Digest: 12 Days ‘Til Judgment

Oh, the excitement of pain, fire, brimstone, and judgment is coming. I’m just a bundle of tingle right now.

In case you haven’t heard, some of those who stare at the sky and hear a voice coming back say judgment is upon us. That day happens to be May, 21, 2011.

These same people are so good at interpreting the Bible and applying mathimatical equations that they’ve deduced God created the Earth in 11,013 B.C. Not around that year, but exactly that year. They’re probably also the people that think dinosaurs were Jesus ponies.

Anyway, there’s no point in getting to that because the signs point to the date of the impending judgment:

So, as long as we’re all goners soon, let’s not waste any more time and get to it.

But what? What’s there to get to?

What really matters now? What’s so important that it must be tended to when were one pay period away from being choked by the right hand of God?

Well, maybe we could spend our time being tired. The best way to do that, is to work non-stop. Just keep piling it on. It’s easiest when you don’t like what you do and feel degraded by what you earn doing it.

Then again, maybe you’re one of the lucky people who saw the other signs and went with it.

Okay, fine, making a living doing what you love won’t tire you out enough to make you not want to wake up and do it again.

But if what you’re doing isn’t making you happy, you should knock that shit off, pronto! Really, why waste your precious time? There’s only so much left!

Maybe we could spend our remaining few days wasting our energy examining the tiniest details of everything only to search for cracks in logic, principle, or performance.

For instance, why does this anarchist bookstore have security gates?

Or maybe would could do that in the comments sections of…

Fuck!!! That sounds really dumb, doesn’t it?

So what should we do then?

C’mon, meow, hurry it up. Think of something. The world is ending soon, so that hypothetical question has become real: what would you do if the world was ending?

Maybe keep doing stuff that’s made us happy since we were kids? It makes sense because back then, everything seemed simpler, and more carefree. Maybe that’s the key to making our last two weeks all the better.

It can’t be that bad if super mega pimps do it too…

Or maybe you could finally enact those sinister deeds you’ve always wanted to commit…

While you’re thinking about what you’d do, I’ll tell you my plans: I’d tell those I love how much I love them. I’d tell people I don’t like that I’m sorry I didn’t love them enough. I’d put my skates on, cruise the city streets at dawn, and hit up my favorite spots before the city woke up. I’d eat a burrito the size of my head. Then, I’d snag my lady, a bag of drugs, and sit on the beach, and watch the show. If waiting got too boring, I’d swim out into the ocean and try to fistfight a shark.

It’d be a nice day. It really would.

I guess that’s what everyone should do—everything they’ve wanted to do but not the courage to do it.

Yeah, sure, it might be a bit confusing, maybe even scary, but it’ll be worth it. Trust me on this. Dying sucks, and we all have to do it sooner or later, but what better way to enjoy the apocalypse than a head free of worries and a heart filled with joy.

That’d be nice, too.

So it looks like we’re all going to be really busy doing stuff we always wanted to do, or stuff we’ve always loved doing because let’s face it, we’re all fucking doomed soon.

Instead, let’s just get the homies together, skate a little, drink a little, smoke a little, and chill the fuck out.

another jsf bbq from casey bagozzi on Vimeo.

If for some reason unbeknownst to all of us that the judgment and rapture doesn’t come, those of us that quit everything might be a wee shit out of luck. Then again, those that didn’t quit, those that kept going, pushing their way through the much and shit in search of something greater will be just fine.

Well, if the world doesn’t end, at least we’ll have a really strong foundation to make the second half of our lives happy, free from regret, and filled with tons of cool shit.

See you all at the gates of hell (or not).

Blade or Die,

— Brian Krans

P.S. — Since all of your cold, hard cash is going to be useless in a few weeks, you might as well pre-order my next book, Freeze Tag on the Highway while there is still free shipping. If the world actually does end, I’ll give you a full refund.


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